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January 18, 2013
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Twilight is reading for a coming exam,

When she does receive a singing telegram.

For Gummy's birthday there'll be a celebration,

As each friend learns through a singing invitation.

There AJ and RD are playing a game,

When Pinkie announces it is far too tame.

If they only are going for the apples that bobbed,

They're missing the fun and are getting robbed!

They dunk their heads in and find a few jokes,

While Pinkie checks with the rest of the folks.

They all have their fun and say it's a blast,

And Pinkie bemoans that it cannot last.

Twilight remarks they should meet again soon,

Leading to a party the next afternoon.

She invites them all again to her social convention,

But each has something requiring their attention.

Twi needs to study, AJ needs to pick,

And Rarity's mane is now covered in "ick".

The fliers are housesitting for Harry the Bear,

Well, more like cavesitting his homey little lair.

Pinkie is stumped; all her friends are quite busy!

But she soon sees a scene that sends her in a tizzy.

Twilight is sneaking into The Cake's shop,

And when shushing the Mrs. the music does stop.

Pinkie listens in through her ceiling can,

Finding out quickly Twilight has a plan.

She follows Twilight and puts on a disguise,

And on the mare's actions she certainly spies.

The package is passed to each faithful friend,

Their coldness towards her she cannot comprehend.

This culminates with her chasing down Rainbow Dash,

Demanding to know what is kept in that cache.

RD flees and finds safety in Applejack's barn,

Sticking poor AJ with spinning a quick yarn.

She claims renovation but Pinkie doesn't bite,

And to get a look in the barn Pinkie puts up a fight.

Staring down AJ she starts to retreat,

Burned by her "friends" and their heartless deceit.

She must find their plan and vile machinations,

So she turns to Spike for some real explanations.

Spike wants her jewels and acts quite sincere,

Leading him to tell her just what she wants to hear.

Of her friends true feelings she is now aware,

Depressing the pony and straightening her hair.

She feels all alone and rather betrayed,

Causing her coat to turn a darker shade.

Now that Pinkie is feeling rather estranged,

We witness a scene that's rather deranged.

With some dressed up objects Pinkie now communes,

As we hear in the background creepy carny tunes.

Pinkie keeps twitching and looks rather hostile,

Something not helped by her creepy slasher smile.

She takes the advice of the sack and the rock,

Before at her door she soon hears a knock.

Rainbow is there to show her a surprise,

But Pinkie's had enough of her "friends" and their lies.

Rainbow Dash observes this disconcerting scene,

Before finding herself wearing its cuisine.

She then drags Pinkie to the barn by her mane,

Ignoring her resistance and open disdain.

Opening the door there's a cheer most hearty,

Her friends have thrown her a surprise party!

But Pinkie Pie's anger this cannot assuage,

As she begins ranting and showing her rage.

They lied, they hid, and they've now kicked her out,

She continues her tirade with yet another shout.

Her outrage the ponies then try to allay,

Pointing out that the cake is for her birthday.

Pinkie looks around, eyes full of fear,

But her anger is lifted and all becomes clear.

A smile returns to the pink pony's face,

And she grabs all her friends in a caring embrace.

She asks their forgiveness and the party does start,

Joy finally returning to the bouncy mare's heart.
Work's been hectic but it's finally done,

I present to you the rhyme for Party of One!
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:iconroyalinblue:
Well, requesting a critique for this is in itself a difficult thing to do. it really is just a short rundown of the episode Party of One. however, I shall oblige your request, but this will be somewhat short.

The language is what I'll go for the most. Your mastery of the English language is obviously there, you word a lot of it quite beautifully, and had I not seen the episode myself, I would have enjoyed this far more than I normally would have.

Really, that's all there is to say here. The spacing and grammar are fine, and and that is why critiquing this is hard. It's one of those things that fall into the middle zone, where critiquing them is difficult. There is nothing to say, I can't praise it for originality, but nor can I criticize it for being bad because it is none of those things.

In future, I'd say try spreading your wings a bit more, go for something with a bit more originality, try and write something from your own head. I'm not saying this is necessarily bad, gosh no, but it is predictable, and I can't really tell anything of your own style from this. I can tell you write a lot, and you are certainly good at it, but for me, it looks like you just bashed this out on a whim.

In future, I want to see something from you that is planned, written and maybe even edited by you when you ask for a critique, so I get a full idea of the scope of your abilities.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconrainbowdash2701:
Rainbowdash2701 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013
when i read it in my head it sounded a lot like dr. seuss
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:iconsaturdaymorningproj:
saturdaymorningproj Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
fantastic rhymes, great job as usual :D
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:iconbrentogara:
BrentOGara Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My favorite PP episode! :D

And done so well... I think my favorite rhyme was estranged/deranged, and hostile/smile (while not a perfect rhyme) is perfect in its multiple meanings.
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:iconoctaviasketch:
OctaviaSketch Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
dude, :+fav:
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:iconluckylockheart:
LuckyLockheart Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Somehow I'm still surprised by your excellence :D
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:icondereckc1:
dereckc1 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Very well done indeed, love how you did the mental-break portion.
Reply
:iconmaxinezorualuna:
MaxineZoruaLuna Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student General Artist
I really like the end and the part about the deranged scene
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:iconrhyming-zecora:
Rhyming-Zecora Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Thank you Maxine, I enjoyed those too,

For the best scenes of the ep my best I did do.

I hoped to convey how insane she was acting,

And I don't think my choices were all that distracting.
Reply
:iconmaxinezorualuna:
MaxineZoruaLuna Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student General Artist
No problem Zecora your work is always the best :D
Reply
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